2008 - the year that was!
… or maybe I should retitle this - the year I really should try to forget.
2008 has been quite a struggle for me and my family - although they are truly the reason that I am still here, and that I am trying to find a way through this quagmire that my health and head have led me into. The only reason I am putting this out here is that many many people have let me know, both through here and privately, that they find blogging quite cathartic and almost therapeutic - so I guess it’s time for me to find out for myself how that goes. Well that, and I want to get the gorgeous Leonie to remodel and personalise my blog for me, and there’s absolutely no point to that if I’m not going to use it is there
So this might be a long and rambling, more personal blog entry than is usual for a SU demo to post, but I’ve decided that I’d like to use this blog for both myself personally, as well as professionally - and you know what? That’s my decision to make, and I kinda feel good about it. WOW, it really does make a difference writing it down y’know!
OK - let’s start with the crap. 2008 has been an ongoing year of health problems for me - thankfully only for me, the rest of the family has been hideously healthy and relatively fit (well the kids only on that last part
) I am still having quite the extraordinary battle with the black bitch otherwise known as depression. Nothing me and my doc have tried this year has worked for very long before I started sinking back down into the depths. So in regards to this, I have been on and off an incredible number of different types of antidepressants, played around with increasing dosages, combinations, decreasing dosages, and quite frankly I’m not sure that anything is going to help at this stage. This medication merry-go-round has been going for 18months now, so you can understand if I’m getting quite dizzy, and well… despondent… for want of a better description. Am currently gradually increasing the dose of yet another - I’m amazed at the variety of drugs out there for this, and that they all work differently. My current ‘diagnosis’ from the shrink is severe depression coupled with bi-polar tendencies - this last part explains (to me anyway) some of the ups and downs I’ve had, along with the spending sprees, and some risk-taking behaviour that I really should know better than to do at the age of 38. I’m surprised that Andrew is still around considering a lot of what I have put him and the kids through this year - but he is, and he is my rock. People that love you unconditionally can make such a difference to your life, something I have discovered this year in my more lucid moments. Other than my husband and 2 children, friends like Jenni, Leonie and Deanne have been my saviours this year. These girls are truly amazing women, and I feel completely humbled that they have been so loving and accepting of me, and my ongoing problems- they have made me feel this year that somewhere under all this shit, that there IS a worthy and beautiful person - I just need to discover her again.
So on top of these ongoing mental health problems, another little problem that popped it’s head up this year was the dreaded “C” word. In May I discovered that the mole on my arm that had changed just a little was actually a malignant melanoma. Thankfully it was discovered early enough, but had still progressed past the initial stage so required some surgery to remove (rather than just the initial ‘remove the mole and hope all is OK’). My fabulous surgeon from the Sydney Melanoma Unit removed it all in this go-round though, so at this stage I have the all clear, with a follow up check in Feb. As you can imagine, I’m now quite vigilant to the point of paranoia about sun protection, especially for the kids. I’m sporting a rather large scar on my left forearm as a permanent reminder about the need to take sun protection seriously - especially in the Australian climate - we’re not the skin cancer capital of the world for no reason
THEN…. the MS decided to flare up a few times, meaning that I had to take this seriously now as well. Thankfully my Mum came to the party on this one and got the ball rolling. She’d been watching me struggle with the depression all this time, and I know that I had hurt her over and over - thankfully for me she made the decision to help me out of this hole in whatever way she could, rather than the easy route… which would have been to walk away. As you can imagine, when we had this conversation the tears flowed long and hard. Since my initial diagnosis 5 years ago, I hadn’t been back to a neurologist - the one I had that diagnosed me after a year of investigations said to me at the time “You have MS, there’s nothing we can do - live your life as best you can, you’ll slowly go downhill but it will take years and years, but we can’t do anything” ……. WTF…..
Thankfully we have a wonderful system here in Australia and an amazing MS Society. They have many systems in place to help and inform MS patients and their families, so this was Mum’s starting point. They were great, and incredibly helpful to her… and now to me as well. These people are amazing in what they do and what they provide for MS sufferers and their families, we’re indebted to them. So started the many, many trips into Sydney to visit the MS clinic that the Society runs, seeing an amazing neurologist, MS nurse, having many tests conducted (including a new MRI - YUK), MS Physiotherapist and lots and lots of information to absorb. As a result of these trips (which saw me get a fair bit of sock knitting done on the train trip in and out LOL) I am now on treatment to try and reduce/eliminate any further attacks or lesions. This requires a daily injection…. yeah I was horrified at first when they gave me a choice of 4 treatments and said to pick one myself, they ALL involved injections…. I picked this one for many reasons, one being less side effects than the interferon treatments, and another because I am terrible at remembering things so I figured each day was going to be easier to incorporate into a routine, and it has been. So far so good on these, and I’m back at the neurologists early in the New Year to do some more assessing etc….
WOW - that has been a bit doom and gloom hasn’t it? As you can see though it HAS been a full-on year for me medically and mentally. There have also been the usual family dramas as well - everyone has those. 11 year old son settled into a new school OK, there were some initial teething problems, and then some dramas towards the end of the year with bullying and teasing - which he thought a good way to eventually respond to this was to punch the kids when they went too far. Yeah that went down reeeeeeeeeeeel well as you can imagine :< He also took some time settling in to a class where much more was expected of them, he’s eventually found his groove though I think (hope) - Year 6 next year, and then onto high school…wow where have the years gone?
We had to say goodbye to a loved family member this year also - our dear Golden Retriever Rex had finally gone past the point of no return. He was loved by all of us for a good 10 years, and had been a loving, gentle, patient companion for us all in this time. We owed it to this gentle giant to give him a dignified exit from this world, so we had to make that awful decision to have him put to sleep. He has a special place in all our hearts, and it was truly heart-rending to have to do this - but he was in so much pain and there was nothing more that anyone could do for him. Our son was much stronger than I - he was there with Rex for his final moments. Rex and Patrick had such a special close bond, and I think that Pat is all the more complete because he’s had this. We’re all still grieving for our beloved Rex, and we all continue to share our thoughts and feelings with him in his special place under the Claret Ash in the backyard.
4 year old daughter is doing really well, she’s such a little ray of sunshine and just does her own thing. She makes me laugh.
Andrew (hubby) has settled in really well to his new school and new role as Head of Science. He’s enjoying the challenges that this has bought to him, and for the first time in years he has actually been happy and almost content in his job. He really is relishing the added responsibilities, and also enjoying the fact that this is a newer school and he is really able to put his own stamp on the department (as the first head that they’ve had). Andrew has always had great belief in himself, and this is really the kind of role that he excels in. So thats all good.
I have had some highlights and moments of happiness during this year (it’s not been all doom and gloom). My business as a Stampin’ Up! demonstrator is chugging along, obviously a lot had to be put on hold this year due to my own personal challenges, including the fact that I was so held down by the black bitch that I couldn’t even find any enjoyment in just ‘creating’ anymore. BUT I have an amazing team of girls who have helped me out and stuck with me for the most part - while also running and building their own businesses. Big THANK YOU to all the members of INKers Away! for their support and understanding during a year that I really haven’t been able to do much for them. I love that being a demostrator and team leader has given me the flexibility to be able to take time off as needed - I know that if I was still working as a drone at my previous place of employment that I wouldn’t have been given the time I needed to sort much of this out, much less any empathy. I think the empathy and knowing the friendships I have all throughout Australia have helped me also, especially the wonderfully supportive girls at the Elite Stampers forum, and at ESAD_SU Yahoo group - thanks and hugs to you all too.
My customers have been amazing also, very understanding as well - and the times that I have been doing workshops and classes I have LOVED. My son accompanied me to one in Nov, I was doing a kids class for some Christmas cards - at the urging and encouragement of one of my wonderful ladies I might add - and we had a ball. As we were driving home, Patrick said to me “You really love doing that don’t you Mum?”. Of course I answered YES I love it! He then said “You know, it really shows. And you’re really really good at it too”. He’s not a kid of too many words, well he does talk a lot but doesn’t tend to think too much before speaking - but he just melted me that day. And made me think. YES, I do LOVE what I do, and I LOVE to SHARE what I love. I truly am in the right place, I’ve found something that fits me perfectly. And I’m living Stampin’ Up!s statement of the heart. Thank you Patrick for showing that to me.
More on Stampin’ Up! personal news. Another highlight for me was being asked to present once again at the Sydney Regionals. Having done this in 2007 I never dreamt that they would ask me again to do it. Of course it came at one of my really black times, and I despaired of being able to get my presentation prepared and done on time. Once again I had an angel looking after me. The wonderful Leonie came to my rescue with both encouragement and ideas, and between us we managed to get this done for me. When the time came to do my presentation I thoroughly enjoyed every second of it - I love being on stage and just sharing what I love with others who love this as much as I do. I hope some of this love and passion came through. I immensely enjoyed seeing other demo friends up there doing their ‘thang’ too - thanks for sharing your ideas and successes with us Ness, Linda, Jayne, Angela and Marelle. Once I find my camera (yes it’s missing yet again!) I should be able to get some pics up - actually I think my next post might be mostly just pics
Not long after this ‘illustrious’ event we as a family went on a trek to Victoria to spend an amazing week with Jenni and her family. They were fabulous hosts, and even let us invade their camping holiday with the kids. Camping? Me? Well yes, and whats more I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it - despite not being able to shower for 3 days. Of course it helped that Jen and Dave did bloody everything - I have to apologise to them, once again my head sucked, and with it my energy levels. But I did love it all, and hope that we didn’t outstay our welcome. Would love to do it again sometime - Pat and Eliza have talked about it heaps. These are truly the best friends we could ever find, and their wonderful kids even put up quite well with Eliza (she’s a bit of a whirlwind that one!). Jenni and Davo - love you guys so much xxx
Something else that I did this year that would have to rate as a HUGE highlight was to attend our school reunion. It’s been 21 years since we left school, and for the most part it had been 21 years since I’d seen most of these people. What a great bunch of people they’ve turned out to be!!!! I had an absolute ball - of course I needed a ‘few’ fortifying drinks for some dutch courage before walking into the room… but it really wasn’t needed. The night flew by far too quickly, and I’m hoping to continue contact with many old friends I’ve now reconnected with. I’ve already had a few wonderful nights with Karin and the Lovely Drew, Richard H, and Deirdre. It’s been fantastic to forge new friendships after all this time with some amazing people. Thanks have to go out to Ross and Carol for organising such a fantastic night, and for finding so many people - the year group has definitely spanned the globe after all this time. I also have to extend a BIG personal thank you to RichardH for cheerleading me into going along, and also for his ongoing friendship and laughter. Pics from the night? Nah no chance of those being posted here (although there are some rotten ones floating around on Facebook) LOL.
The pictures from this night have finally given me the much-needed kick in the pants to get serious about losing some weight, for both health and appearance reasons. So in the past 8-9 weeks since the reunion I have managed to shed nearly 10kg - an important start. I still have a lot to go, but my head is finally in the right space for this personal challenge…. and I want to lose it slowly and surely so as to keep it off forever!
Well if you’ve gotten through allt his - a GOLD star to you. I did warn it would be wordy, but had no idea when I commenced this that it would be THIS wordy. That’s the year in a bit of a nutshell for us - here’s to a happier and healthier 2009.
Love
posted in Just me, Life, family, friends, random ramblings | 11 Comments



















